Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker

Update Available

October 19, 2023 MaryAnn Walker Episode 64
Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker
Update Available
Show Notes Transcript

You wouldn't use the same cell phone from 20 years ago. So why are you allowing thoughts and beliefs from 20+ years ago to determine how you navigate life?  It's time for an upgrade!

MaryAnn will soon be presenting at a mental health summit and her email list will be the first to know the details! Subscribe to MaryAnn's email list to be the first to know AND snag yourself a free copy of her Increasing Connection Through Healthy Boundaries guidebook!  Click here!

Want to connect with MaryAnn on her other platforms? Click here!

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Well, hello and welcome back. So today we are going to be exploring the idea of upgrading our thoughts. So often we have these thoughts from our past that we allow to dictate our lives. So we're going to kind of explore the idea of identifying these limiting beliefs and crushing them and then replacing them with something a little bit more supportive. And honestly, that's something that I do. That's the bulk of my practice, right? Is I help people to identify They're limiting beliefs so that they can create a more supportive life for themselves. Now I know several of you have asked me about manifesting before, and essentially this is where the sweet sauce is. It is identifying, how am I holding back? How am I showing up through these limiting beliefs? And how can I create something more supportive for myself? Now, sometimes we aren't even aware that we have a limiting belief because we believe it so much. We think it's true. We think it's a fact. We never ever challenged the belief. Because why would we challenge a fact, right? But really thinking through, what is it that I'm believing right now? And is this just a thought? Is there another way that I could think about this? Is an amazing way to up level your thinking. So, for example, maybe you have the belief, everything I say is wrong. So if you brought that into a coaching session, first, we would kind of play around with that belief, right? Like, where's this showing up for you? When's the last time you had that thought? Well, it's just all the time. I just always say everything wrong. And we might kind of play around with, okay, so like what happens when you go through the checkout line? Are you able to say, Oh, thank you for your groceries. Like, does that go? Okay. Okay. What about at work? Are there experiences and exchanges that you've had? Where things have actually gone okay, where you didn't fail miserably with communication. So why are you telling yourself that I always say everything wrong? And how are you showing up through that belief? Because if I were sitting there thinking, Oh, I always say everything wrong. How would I be showing up? I would be feeling pretty anxious and insecure. And through that anxiety and insecurity, I would probably be showing up thinking, Oh, like, are they going to like me? Like, how am I going to mess this up? I'm just not sure about this. It's that thought that I always say everything wrong that's creating that. Whereas if I could flip that thought into something more supportive, like maybe I occasionally stumble over my words. That opens up space for looking for new evidence, right? Your brain is always going to be looking for evidence that whatever you're thinking is true. So if you were thinking, I always stumble over my words, I always say the wrong thing, your brain is going to look for evidence that that is true. But if you can open up space and think, okay, I sometimes occasionally stumble over my words, That opens up space where then it's like, okay, well, sometimes I do that, but it's not all the time. And then it's choosing on purpose how we want to think about that, right? So I have a podcast here. I stumble over my words all the time. I 100 percent edit my podcasts. I totally own that. But if I do stumble over my words, I might say, oh, yep, I'm human. That happens. It's no big deal. So something else that can be really interesting when you've identified these limiting beliefs is thinking through, okay, what is the origin story of that belief? Because oftentimes we had one experience one time and we have allowed that singular experience to dictate how we show up in the world henceforth and forever. So, for example, with the thought, I always say the wrong thing, maybe in kindergarten you accidentally called your kindergarten teacher mommy. Now, my mother is a retired kindergarten teacher, and I can tell you, you were not the only kid that accidentally called their teacher mommy. And each kid, as they accidentally call their teacher mommy, they're going to respond differently. Some kids are going to laugh it off. Oh, that's so funny. You're not my mom. Other kids might feel really embarrassed. Like, Oh, I can't believe I called you mommy. Everybody's going to laugh at me and make fun of me. Maybe other kids did laugh and make fun. Or maybe in both situations, the kids laughed, but one child chose to make it mean that was a funny joke. And another child made it mean I can't say anything right. So just notice, okay, what is my origin story for this belief? How is this showing up for me?

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So, one origin story that I have identified for myself happened when I was a kid. So, once upon a time, one random family member said, referring to me and my sister, I guess one got all the beauty and one got all the talent. And I'm not even going to tell you who was who when she was telling the story, because truly it doesn't matter. What's really interesting is that one person at one time said one sentence, and what's fascinating is what I chose to make that mean.

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And at the time I chose to make it mean that I was inadequate in some way and I allowed that one thought to dictate how I was showing up for years.

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If I'm being honest I really don't listen to half the things that this relative says They make some pretty out there comments and I can just write it off But for whatever reason in this experience when the comment was directed at me, I made it mean something about me I allowed it to plant that seed of insecurity and it is interesting for me to notice how many years I allowed that comment to impact me And now it's completely irrelevant. It doesn't matter, right? It doesn't matter what this one relative said. So get really curious about not only what the belief is, But what the origin story is, because once you've identified the origin story, it makes it a lot easier for you to poke holes in it and see that, okay, that is a thought I'm choosing to continue to believe, but that doesn't mean that it's true. Another common belief that I see in my practice is their wants and desires are just more valid than mine. And I see this especially with this particular population, right? Where the helpers, the healers, and the people pleasers, we prioritize other people's wants and wishes. And we do an amazing job of it. But when you're having the thought, their wants and wishes and desires are more important than mine. What is that going to create more than likely that's going to create that compassion, fatigue, that burnout resentment that your needs aren't getting met. So be aware of these thoughts that are coming up for you and look closely at what is the impact. What's the second and third order of effects of me having this. Now, there are times and seasons where we do want to choose on purpose to prioritize somebody else's wants and needs and wishes, right? If someone is facing chronic illness, for example, we may choose on purpose to feed into their wants and needs and that that's okay. We are choosing on purpose to prioritize that for them. But notice if in your day to day life, if you are allowing that thought to dictate your life. Notice what it's doing to your energy level. Notice what it's doing to your relationships. Notice if you have the compassion fatigue or the burnout creeping in or if you're experiencing resentment. This might mean that you need to think through those thoughts and see if you want to choose them on purpose. So if you came to me with this problem in a coaching session, we might kind of explore those ideas a little bit and see if we could open up that thought a little bit to expand it to my needs are at least as valid. as the other persons. And as I said, yes, there may be situations and seasons where you're choosing on purpose to prioritize somebody else, but make sure that in your day to day life, just to see if you can open it up a little bit more to create some space for my needs are at least as valid as the next person's. Now, with each of these examples, probably something has happened in the past that has planted that seed and we have just chosen to continue to think that thought over time. We have made that thought part of our internal programming, right? This is now our default setting. I have adapted this belief and I'm going to allow it to dictate my life. And so, our brain is going to be like, Yep, that's true. So, we walk around just assuming. Assuming that this thought is true and we never challenge it and we never update our thinking. And so while calling our teacher mom was pretty embarrassing in the moment, we get to decide what we want to make that experience mean for us moving forward. So let's kind of play with this idea a little bit more. Now, I'm pretty sure that most of you listening have a cell phone and cell phones are great, right? I admit for me, I didn't have my own cell phone until I was in my thirties. which is like crazy, right? Kids are getting them now at such a young age. I didn't have mine until I was 30. So even though I waited a long time to get my cell phone, now I basically won't go anywhere without my cell phone. I love it. Even if it's just for the camera so I can document what's going on. I love to have my cell phone. And even though my very first cell phone was a smartphone, My phone now is a heck of a lot smarter than my first smartphone was, and I would not choose to go back to that original phone and kind of entertain that idea and make those parallels between your thinking as well. Are you choosing to think thoughts that were planted all the way in kindergarten? Maybe they're a little bit outdated and maybe it is time. to intentionally create an update for yourself. I would never go back to using my original phone. Technology has improved so much since then, and I want to take advantage of all of it. So when I get a notification that there's an update available for my phone, I get so excited. I start to wonder, okay, what are they going to do? Are they going to add more emojis to make communication more fun and engaging? Are they going to fix that glitch on that app that I've been having problems with? Like, what are the updates going to be? And so what if we treated our thinking in that What if we kind of thought like these phone developers where we spent time intentionally wondering, okay, what simple upgrade could I make that would make my life a little bit easier today? How can I improve my communication? How can I make my life more efficient? Am I holding on to some old programming that's making it harder for me to engage with other people that have different operating systems? Maybe it's slowing me down when it comes to creating what I want on purpose. So maybe you want to spend time thinking on that every time that you get a notification on your phone that an update is available. Now I find that for me. I see a full moon more often than I see an update on my phone. And so whenever I see the full moon, I take that as a visible reminder that, okay, take some time now to intentionally do some upgrades. So each full moon, I think on two things. One is, what am I intentionally wanting to let go of this month? And the second is, what do I want to intentionally create? So maybe, for example, you want to let go of anger and resentment and you want to intentionally create more love and connection. Maybe you want to intentionally let go of insecurity and find ways to increase confidence. Maybe you want to intentionally let go of lack and intentionally create abundance. So think for a moment right now about those very questions. What is one thing that you want to have no longer be a part of your life anymore? And what is one thing that you want to upgrade? On purpose? Now I have a friend who is really nervous about. Upgrading her phone. So whenever she sees an update is available, she gets really nervous about it she's worried about what is going to be let go of if she updates her phone, what will be lost. And sometimes we do that with our thoughts. We have become so convinced that our current way of thinking is the only way of thinking. We cling to that and we resist any updates, right? So just notice if you have that cling energy coming up because our brain, it's going to tell you that things that are familiar are safe and good for you. And while that can be true. Sometimes having those updates and learning how to use a new operating system, it can be a little bit uncomfortable, but it is so beneficial. I remember for me when I made the switch between an Android and an iPhone, I had to learn how to use a new operating system, but I really enjoy it now. So there is a little bit of a learning curve, which can feel a little bit uncomfortable. Some things that are new, our brain is going to say, Oh, alert, alert. This is new. It's unfamiliar. Therefore it is wrong, but lean into the discomfort. Talk to your brain, remind your brain that no, I am just intentionally doing an update. It's going to be fine. Now, a little bit of a word of caution. These updates on your mind, they should be done with love. So if you find yourself struggling to let go of something, just know that, yeah, it can be hard sometimes. I'm just switching operating systems and it's going to be okay. Remind yourself that you have grown used to this part of your operating system and it can take some time to reboot and some reboots just take longer than others. Have you noticed that when you allow the update to run, sometimes it's really quick and sometimes your phone is sitting there for about an hour. Just updating everything. And I've also noticed that sometimes with my phone, I will install an update and just a few days later, it sends me another update because there was a glitch in the new update. Sometimes we'd like to trick ourselves into believing the lie that Rebooting and updating is a one and done thing that nope, I should be good now forever. I've updated my thinking. I am healed. I am done But just know that just like with your phone it takes continual progress over time We like to assume that just because we're getting older we're getting wiser however We are only getting wiser as we get older if we are intentionally Installing those lessons learned along the way, you have to actually apply the lessons learned in order to create that desired wisdom, you're going to be investing a significant amount of energy either way. Right? So like when you go to buy a new phone, you're making a financial investment. This one is more of a mental and emotional investment, but it is. So worth it and you're going to notice that, okay, there's a lot of energy going into this operating system. So you're going to be investing energy in one of two ways. You're either going to be investing energy, resisting the updates and fighting for that kindergarten way of thinking, right? The kindergarten beliefs of no, but this is the way it always is. And I'm choosing to continue to believe that I always say the wrong thing. And somehow we think that that's serving us. Or you can invest your energy instead of into resisting into actually creating the life that you really want. Installing those updates, reminding your brain that, Oh, I just noticed I'm sliding into kindergarten thinking I'm going to update this now. It's kind of like when you're talking with a toddler, right? Our toddler brain is going to be like, no, I want candy all the time. Candy is so good. And then the adult self is going to say, Oh, I know it tastes. so good. And also vegetables are really good for you. So let's make sure that you get some vegetables. So just notice that your brain is going to want to revert to that old thinking. Your primitive mind is going to become activated, especially if you are feeling sleepy or hungry or burned out. Um, when you're feeling a little bit less than your highest self, your primitive mind is going to be activated. Just know that's part of it. Don't guilt and shame yourself about it. Just remind yourself, okay, I know what's happening here and I'm going to choose this. Okay. on purpose. You are so worth the investment. So keep showing up, install those updates. You are no longer in kindergarten. So level up, take the time to check in and ask yourself, where is my thinking? Maybe a little bit outdated. And it can be helpful sometimes to break your life up into little chunks, right? And just focus on one piece at a time. It can feel really overwhelming. Say, okay, I'm going to do a whole life overhaul. So it can be helpful to break your life up into little pieces and ask yourself, okay, what are my beliefs about relationships? And do they need an upgrade? What are my beliefs about myself? Do they need an upgrade? What are my beliefs around my health? My family? My friends? My work? And do these beliefs need an upgrade? Is this belief serving me? Does it spark joy? Right? So it's kind of like the Marie Kondo book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Do that with your thoughts as well. Ask yourself, does this spark joy? Does this fit me in the way that it used to? Am I wearing outdated clothes? Am I wearing clothes that are the wrong size? Are my thoughts the wrong size? Are they fitting the life that I want to create? Be really intentional about asking yourself those self reflective questions so that you can recognize and choose on purpose how it is that you want to move forward through life. So this week, identify just one belief that's holding you back and one thing that you want to create and put that into action on purpose.

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Intentionally install those updates.

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Also, by way of announcement, if you are not following me on my other platforms, you are going to want to be following me. I'm going to be participating very soon in a mental health summit. This is going to be directed towards the parents of teens struggling with depression, and I'm going to be talking on emotional processing. I am super excited about it. This is going to be a huge event with 20 presenters, and it's all going to be online. And so you are going to want to be a part of this. I'll be sending out links and different things so that you can participate, but you're going to want to be following me either on email or on social media. And also if you do subscribe to my email list, I currently have a little freebie over there so you can come to my website, MarianneWalker. life and click on the link. I'll also post a link in the show notes, but you can come and subscribe to my email list and receive a free download of my increasing connections through healthy boundaries guidebook. So it's just there to support you as you're working to. Increase your connections with other people through healthy boundaries. So often we think that having a boundary means separating ourselves from others and creating distance, but actually when you truly set healthy boundaries, it can help to increase the quality of connection in your relationship. So come and snag that. Come and follow me. Again, I'll be posting more content and links and things over on my social media and on my email list to let you know more about this upcoming summit, So yeah, come and get a freebie and come and participate in this awesome summit. I know that you're just going to love it. All right. I hope you have a great week. Bye now.